Very Irregular Lifestyle...

Well, I mainly means my time of sleeping. Though I sleep almost exactly 8 hours per day in total, the particular time of my falling sleep and waking up, is largely random. Well, in fact, not "random" but "too far from the 'normal' style."

Take the last 48 hours as an example. On Tuesday, I slept from 5 a.m. to 8 a.m. and woke up just in time to attend the lecture. After the lecture, I went back to my dorm. I had no lunch because by the time of lunch, I felt too sleepy and just fell to bed. I woke up to find that it was totally dark, and it was about 6:30 p.m. Hence, I struggled up, withdrew some cash and went for a dinner.

After that, I worked on my laptop for a couple of hours. By the time of 10 or 11 p.m., I felt sleepy again. I thought it was good because I just wanna do some adjustment! Hence I just turned off all the lights and fell to bed. When I opened my eyes again, before which I thought I had slept for several hours, I found it was "still totally dark outside". I picked up my watch and found it was only 2 a.m! I thought I'd better do some tedious reading to get myself sleepy again. Hence, I took a good bath and picked up some library books. I spent a hour to finish one of them, and them consumed some supply. (a Big-Mac!) I eventually surrendered to my desire of turning on the computer. In a word, I fell to bed at 5 a.m.

I felt I cannot sleep anymore by 7 a.m. and decided to work by the pond behind my hall. I was pretty cold outside by that time, and that make me sober. However, I finally gave up and returned to my hall at 11 a.m. After lunch, I stayed up until 4 p.m. when I cannot stand anymore, and fell to bed. I woke up to find that it was 8 p.m.

First Time to Lose An Expensive Item

God damn it! Son of a bitch!

I've been thinking to buying a volume of Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman of myself, and several days earlier, I suddenly realized that the Stat. Mech. textbook we adopted is definitely the best I've ever seen on elementary level. Hence, I made up my mind to buy them both last afternoon. I must be too sleepy to forget putting them into my schoolbag, I just dumped the plastic bag on a chair in the canteen, and put my bag on it. My appetite turned out to be so little, and soon I determined to leave, I just instinctively picked up my school bag, and forget all about the book.

It was not until 8 p.m. that I realized something about the book. I rushed to the canteen, and astonishingly found that there are still a great many of people there. Definitely, the bag can no longer be found.

I just wonder who will need two books like that! Damn it! The price is over HK$300, my typical budget on meals for a whole week! Son of a bitch!

Academic Bunkers Sieging

"I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got."

I chose this piece of lyric to be my QQ signature, just before I "moved like Harlow in" the homework done by "Monte Carlo" method.

There is a famous idiom in the profound Chinese language, "Fuck time and time again, and love will eventually be generated". That's just what Monte Carlo did to me. When I began to learn it, I never considered it anything practical, and thought that the more determinstic methods are preferable and would converge at a far higher rate. However, after learning it for so long and doing so many problem with it, I've learned to enjoy this kind of thing.

However, the problem this time is that: the midterm and the deadline for this assignment just knock into each other, which, needless to say, means a ultimately arduous battle due to the lack of time. This turned out to be absolutely true.

There are four problems, each of which was estimated to require 5 to 6 hours on average to be completely done. Almost all I had were Tuesday and Wednesday, so I have to work 10 to 12 hours per day. It seemed to be a relatively small number, but studying problems is definitely different from lying on the lawn reading. I compare the former to an academic "Bunker Sieging".

I've seen sieging Bunkers with Hydralisks or Dragoons, and I know how bloody the scene is. However, I thought I had a few "academic Guardians and Reavers", and, above all, determination of blasting it to the ground. Hence, I had some confidence.

The full assault began at the night of Monday. Before that, I've done almost all the analytical work during the last weekend as preparation. The first two problems are essentially identical, i.e. finishing one means being able to finish the other in a matter of minutes. However, there are some subtle technical problems lying in front of me.

I've only slept for hardly 3 hours-- I stayed up until 5 a.m. and fell to the bed. However, it must be that I'm way too tired to ever sleep! I lay on the bed idly until I can no longer stand the sun out of the window, and determined to wake up and continue my work. However, I made little progress. I suddenly remembered that I told Bill I'll "kick into Chen's office and ask him about it", and I just set out.

It was not so easy to find Chen's office but I eventually made it. I told him that I've only slept for 3 hours last night but apparently he showed no sympathy so I determined to focus on the problems. He provided little help and told me that he cannot found where the problem lies until he see my code--that's the most ridiculous part--I assume that a professor should be familiar with all sorts of common mistakes students frequently make! Hence, I left his office disappointedly. Before my depart, he said, "Goodbye and have fun!", to which I reply, "Thanks if I can learn to consider it to be funny!"

I had my lunch (which is sold as "breakfast" by Mc'Donald) and returned to the dorm. After 1 or 2 hours of working, I cannot stand any longer, and fell to the bed...

When I opened my eyes again, I struggled to recall what was the last time I was conscious and tried to guess when it's most likely to be. I finally figured out it's probably early evening of Wednesday. I picked up my cellphone and was simply frighten out. 16 calls! Most of them from Haobo! Another of his SMS said that he'll have supper with a PG graduated from SYSU and asked me whether I will be there, I agreed without hesitation.

That PG turned out to be majoring in physics in SYSU (thus my direct major-mate), and he's just so kind and nice! However, I was still way too sleepy and had to leave pretty early. When I arrived at the dorm, however, I feel not a bit sleepy, and had this intense desire to finish it before dawn.

Now lemme make a brief report of my progress by then. The professor said one of my results in the third problem was wrong, but by the time I paced out of his office, I suddenly came up with the whereabout of the mistake, and fixed it immediately to reach the correct result. However, it was much, much more time consuming to run the program than to code it. I'd no mood to re-consider the first two problem, and had not begun with the fourth.

A figure of the third problem is also very hard to plot, and I didn't finish it until midnight. By that time, very surprising, Kaihan was online! I told him about my story and he was astonished, too.

Suddenly Become Cold!

After sleeping for barely 5 hours, I forced myself to wake up, grabbed the t-shirt and the pair of shorts I wore yesterday, and made myself "good to go".

If I was still more or less sleepy when I'm opening the gate, I dare say I was definitely not after it: I was suddenly surronded by the air tranfered from warm to cold overnight! In fact, I'm more shocked by the fact itself than being frozen. For the first time since I come to HK, the idea of "I'm wearing too little" came across my mind.

I ran to the McDonald's on LG5 and ordered my routine breakfast. That cup of "hot cholcolate", originally served as sleepiness-dispeller, now became a way to make myself somewhat warmer.

After CP, I bought myself a good amount of supply in the supermarket, found myself a seat by the pond at the back of UG Hall 4 (a place I've been planning to visit for a long time but never managed to), sat down and began to read about crystallography. It was, just I expected, no more than one hour before I began to feel uncomfortable: upset, sleepy and cold. I recalled my plan of "doing something meaningful during November", and told myself to keep on reading. However, these uncomfortableness just accumulated, and I gave up by leaving for lunch.

After lunch, I had a great sleep until 5 p.m. when I was awaken by this damned phone call. It's from a classmate I met in PHYS351 and it was then that I began to realized the fact that we had an appointment to review the course together this afternoon. I jumped up from the bed and met them. He find me a very nice indoor place to study. We left there at 7 p.m. When we paced out of the door, a gust of freezing wind of the evening nearly froze me into a statue. The boy wore far more clothes than I did, but he also began to shiver. He looked at me and said in an astonished tongue, "don't you feel cold? You're wearing so little!"

After dinner, I went to the library, stayed there until 11 p.m. to finish reading 3 books (!). Then I thought it was "enough for today" and returned to my room.

So, the autumn is ending and the winter is approaching...

But that's not the thing I have to worry about now-- it is the exam tomorrow.

Routine Updates Returns!

Briefly speaking, I've been indulging myself in all sorts of amusements, ad hoc PC Games, during the whole October, and was too exhausted to write anything. I feared my English level will just go down, but I found it hadn't yet, a very good news.

Now I'm more or less tired of these, and have made up my mind to spend the whole November on more meaningful things like reading. Hence, I wish I could update here in time.

There will still be 22 pieces of articles in November. As to October and September, I'll manage to write down everything worth remembering.

That's all for today.

Suddenly I Miss My Home

I've just recovered from the common cold, and am still suffering from this painful kanker on my tongue.

I've been tired of all kinds of amusement, temporarily or not, and the only thing I wanna do is to make full use of my time to do something, anything, meaningful.

I was working on my assignment of Computational Physics when I suddenly have this feeling.

It might be something that make me think of my childhood. Anyway, those memery, those golden memory of the "good old days" just come to me.

The lighthearted days. The games with my young pals. Those simple happyness and sorrow. Those cares I received from my parents and my...home.

Suddenly I, declaring that home is but a place for 3 meals and 1 bed a day, had a sudden impulse of utterly loneliness. At this instant, I suddenly felt that: wherever I go, whatever I do, however much I hate the binding from my family now and then, home is always there.

A New Record

A little before 9 a.m. last night, I was very sleepy, and, according to the principle of "maximum my comfort at every instant", I directly went to bed, without even turning off the computer (so that I can keep all the chating record on QQ during my sleep).

I had such a perfect, wonderful sleep, probably the best since I came to HKUST. When I woke up, the first instant I thought it had been dawn, but when I struggled up to read my watch, I found it's but 12:30 a.m.

After waking up and drinking some water, I decided to do some reading in bed. I read some Computational Physics, and when I can read no longer, I went to took a good bath. When I went back to my room, it has been 3 a.m.

After doing a little reading, I found I cannot resist the tempt of computer, so I played some PC game, SC followed by Mount&Blade.

When I'd had enough, I thought it was time for some more sleep. However, when I raised my head, I found it had been DAWN! The time on the computer showed that it had been 6:30 a.m.

It is then that I realized I've set up a new record: staying up until dawn!

I went to bed, and, quite surprisingly, woke up before 12:00. That's only 6 hours of sleep! Even plusing the nap, it is no more than 8 hours!

Very Uncomfortable

I was very exhausted, irritated by the god-damned homework of Computational Physics and was in a very bad mood, when I found Y's portrait on QQ became bright.

Hence we talked, she told me that she's gonna break up with her boyfriend, because she's too tired of loving someone that is too faraway from her. She said she had been very unhappy these days.

Suddenly I felt this unusual rage inside of me, I suddenly felt like slap on her face and shout at her with my top voice. I made up my mind to pick a fight. Hence I told her that I'm so fatigued and upset that I might shout, but it would not be her fault at all. Then I began to fight.

I told her directly, with burning words, that she's favored by the destiny that she can get a boyfriend with ease in high school, and that she can achieve love without any effort. I said that she just sat there, and a bunch of boys, including me, would chase her in succession, and be turned down in succession. "These facts are nice. However, not everyone is favored by destiny! There are a lot of people, like me, that are depressed because they have never felt the warmth of girls! And you are telling me you're depressed because you've been tired of having a boyfriend!"

I considered nothing about the outcome, I don't care whether she'll feel worse or not. I just wanna shout. "Last time you told me that being moved is not equivalent with love, and that one should not hook up with someone only because he or she has affected her or him. I know you made no effort to get a boyfriend, and you fall in love with each other SIMULTANEOUSLY, that's great! Congratulations! The only thing I wanna tell you is that I'm not so lucky as you! I have to deliberately chase a girl in order to win her love! And how should I chase? By doing something to move her!"

I said a lot of such words, and ended with "You think you're very unhappy, huh? In my eyes, you're too lucky to endure such an amount of luckiness! Have a look at those around you, like me, that are making great effort to chase their loved ones, and you'll surely feel happy!"

I feel far better now.

The Hall System of HKU

Last night, I was wandering in the website of answers.com, aimlessly searching for introductions to famous universities, when I came across such a paragraph from the "Criticisms" part of "University of Hong Kong" page.

Hall system

The Hall system has created controversy as some students have complained of being subject to hazing, and to harassment in their daily lives at Hall, being compelled, for example, to engage in late night meetings and other "social" activities, even though these incidents would be considered quite tame by the standards of certain other countries.

Many students also argue that the current Hall administration and admission system is unfair: each Hall is dominated by a small elected committee of students who have significant control over who is accepted to the Hall (there is an objective point system for admission, but subjective interviews also play a role in giving committee members control over acceptance). It is alleged by many former students that they lied about high-school extracurricular activities to be accepted, and upon joining the Halls must participate regularly in activities or else run the risk of being forced out of the Hall. Furthermore, newer halls such as Starr Hall, adopt (to a lesser extent) the traditional Hall customs rather than developing their own culture, such that only a narrow range of Hall culture is available for choice by prospective students. Hall-committee students have recently expressed the view, in letters to the newspapers and elsewhere, that overseas exchange students should not be domiciled in Hall, since they do not appreciate Hall culture.

A committee was set up in 2002 to examine the development of the Hall system, but it has been criticised by many students and academics as being non-transparent, and dominated by a select few students who are pro-tradition.

That said, most students who have gone through hall life have retained fond memories of it, and even consider it as being one of the most rewarding periods of their lives. Many have remarked that those sports and social activities, harsh and time-consuming they may be, have managed to foster in them a sense of esprit de corps and has also helped to enhance their strength of character, social skills and EQ, which have stood them in good stead in the years after graduation. Many friendships gained during that period also proved to be life-long.

Well, I have to say, I used to appreciate HKU, even struggled to be accepted in it. However, after reading this, I felt I was so lucky that I've failed to enter HKU!

Always Quiet

Lyric By Wenshan Fang

Sung by A Sang

On the deserted street,
I want to find someone and confide.
Making such decision,
is for the loneliness that accompanies me.

The love between us,
Just like the landscape you pass by.
You strided on and on,
But your feet never lingered for me.

The love given to you is always quiet,
In exchange of the occasional concern from you,
It is a movie about three people,
But my name never appeared.

You said love is like cloud,
Beautiful while wandering aloft freely.
I finally believed that,
The reason of breaking up can sounds appealing.

The love given to you is always quiet,
In exchange of the occasional concern from you,
It is a movie about three people,
But my name never appeared.

The love given to you is always quiet,
I made up my mind at the beginning.
I thought only a history is enough,
Only to find that love must be responsed.

The love given to you is always quiet,
In exchange of the occasional concern from you,
It is a movie about three people,
But my name never appeared.

The love given to you is always quiet,
Except teardrops indulge themselves on my face.
The "yuanfen"* is used to explain,
The fact that you love me no more.

*"Yuanfen" is one of the few common Chinese phrases that has absolutely no counterpart in English. It can be seen as "prearranged relationship". e.g. "There's yuanfen between them." can roughly be put into "They're destined to become lovers".

One Year Ago...

I was sitting in front of my laptop, watching the "ultimate Korean Tear-Bomb"-- the MTV of Because I am a Girl. Though I've been acquainted to all the plot, I still burst into tears once more. Not only because of the effect of the MTV, but also because the memory it brought to me.

The first time I heard it was almost one year ago, when I was taking the selective course Mental Health. The course was about dealing with love. I still remember that I wept for almost one hour, and realized the power of "Korean Tear-Bomb" for the first time. Before that, I thought I'd become a pure pedant, and had lost the ability to be moved by a short MTV. However, I found that I was still a human-being that can be affected by these things.

Before that, I have adopted a lifestyle of "Book-Food-Bed", and have little interest in things like love. Though I've been enjoying being with Y, and had considered chasing her, I was not at all sure because love was, before the MTV, not as reading. It was that event that helped me to make up my mind to formally chase her. Though, as you all know, it failed, it was the first time that I devote myself in loving a girl, and thus will be remembered for good.

Oh yes, academic. I can read for almost 10 hour each day, without feeling especially irritated or exhausted. I never felt sleepy during the noon break; if ever, I can just take a very short nap on the desk, and continue reading terrible things like functional analysis. Games? I only play teeny tiny ones, very old and boring, but I didn't felt the life tedious at all.

Why, at that time, can I be so easily brought to tears?

Why, at that time, can my love be so simple and true?

Why, at that time, can I truly enjoy days without much entertainments?

The Sit-In

This should be recorded on 24th, but there were, as you can see, something more meaningful than that to be recorded, and I have to delay writing it down.

As I've mentioned in Anti-China & Anti-Mainland Part II, a majority of local students were struggling for their "Hall Position", and some of them think it is Mainland students that caused such problem. As I've been in Hong Kong for a longer time, I found that I'd badly underestimated how critical the problem of house was. In Mainland, providing sufficient dormitory is never a big problem, and the problem is how to compel all the students live in the dormitory. In Hong Kong, the situation is just opposite. It's never a problem to have students who beg to dwell in the dormitory, and the problem is whether they can get enough land to build dormitory for all the students. In Mainland, a lot of students would rather rent a room near the campus at a higher price than dwell in the uncomfortable dormitory. In Hong Kong, a lot of students would rather tolerate the dormitory than paying a 10 times higher price on renting a room nearby. (In UST, even if you're content to pay a 10 times higher price, you may probably fail to find a vacant room nearby.)

Knowing this, I became quite a bit sympathetic to the students there. If I am force to choose between spending 3 hours on bus every day and sleeping on the lawn in the campus (or sharing a bed with a close friend), I'll react far more violently than them.

On September 24th, the students who suffered from the situation above organized a sit-in. In Mainland, where the concept of democracy is less accepted, such a "sit-in" by students is definitely impossible-- the students will be dispelled by force and the leader (organizer) will surely be cruelly penalized. I saw the sit-in after lunch, and ran back to the my room to fetch my digital camera despite it was raining cats and dogs outside (and my pants got totally wet), and returned just in time to take a group of photos.

After taking these photos, I suddenly had a wild idea. I wanna talk to one of them and to know them and their idea more. It's quite a bit dangerous, because they might answer my question with fist. I prepared myself physically and mentally, and chose a bunch of seemingly kind student, and sat beside him.

"Excuse me, can I ask you a couple of questions please? I'm not a reporter of any kind. I'm just curious to your behavior."

They peered at me, "Sure", one of them said.

"Well, it seems that some of you are more or less against Mainland students, is it because of reasons like they've occupied your resources and grabbed opportunities that should have been yours, or is it just the problem of hall position?"

"We're content to have more friends from Mainland, were it not for the problem of hall position." he said.

"In fact, we are not against Mainland students, since it's not their fault. It is the university to be blamed. We're here today to declare our unsatisfactory to the university." another one said.

That make me feel much safer. I said, "In fact, I'm an exchange student from Mainland..."

"OK! So let's speak Mandarin."

Therefore, we had a good talk. They seemed confident with their viewpoint until I asked, "So, if UST solve the problem by cutting the number of local student it will accept in 2008 by half, what will you say?"

"That's ridiculous...So what shall those students do?"

"Go to Mainland! If more and more Mainland students are coming to Hong Kong, the universities in Mainland should have more and more vacancies."

"The universities in Mainland are worse and less famous!"

"That's right! So we can compete for the limited positions in UST. Winner gets all, loser sucks! There are more than 20 students who apply for exchanging to HKUST, and I have to defeat all of them! Is it because you're inferior academically than us?"

I thought my question can only be answered with fists this time, but they just smiled and avoided answering. It disappoints me!

That night, when I was coming back to UST with Feng, I told him that I talked to the sit-in students. He was shocked, "You may well probably get beaten!" However, I'm not, even after asking a offending question like that.

The Report is Finally Finished!

Today, I finished my first formal homework assignment since I came to Hong Kong!

Needless to say, it is the assignment of Computational Physics. As you know, I completed all the calculation one week ago, so writing the report seemed to be easy for me. However, it turned out to be quite irritating to finish the job. The lesson is: even if one have finished all the research work, and get all the result needed to write a paper, it is still very involving to actually produce the paper.

There are two problems that are relatively "theoretical" i.e. I'm required to analyse something mathematically, without using computer to do some practical calculation. Last night, when I've finished all the "practical" ones, I began to think of them. The first one was very straightforward but involving (i.e. you know how to do it right on first glimpse, but it take a lot of time to actually solve it). However, with the help of the invincible Mathematica 7.0, I was able to finish this problem very quickly.

After that, I discussed with Bill Chow, a seemingly capable local student who also took the course. I was in hope of finding some help, but finally I found that he was asking for my help all the time. He said he had some difficulty with the problem I had just solved, so I sent him my answer. To my surprise, instead of being grateful, he asked me why I "didn't use the Lagrange interpolation formula". I said, "It's very easy with the help of Mathematica, anyway. If you use the Lagrange thing, you have to expand it, which is more involving." He said, "They took me a long time to solve..." I said proudly, "That's why I chose to learn Mathematica and Matlab!"

He was apparently envious, for I found a shortcut to do some thing that cost him hours in a minute. Soon he told me exaltedly that his answer was different from mine. I was a little nervous at the beginning. However, I gave almost blind trust to Integrated Software Packages, so I read the note again. I soon found "hints" that were very supportive to my answer. I showed him, and he, defeated, had no word to say.

The other "theoretical" problem is far more difficult, and I, as a compensation to my "rudeness", modestly asked for his opinion. He said he had no idea at all and simply threw it at me. Hence, I had to struggle through it, alone!

I didn't made any progress until 2:30 a.m. today, when I found one definition in the problem is "utterly absurd", as I wrote in the report later. After telling the professor that I modified that part so that the problem would make a little sense, I began to solve it. It was even more involving even though I modified it. With the ultimate power of Mathematica, I got the answer, but I didn't believe it, because there were two points where a "beta" have the same value, but they turned out to be equal to 1 and 3 respectively. I returned to the note, which said the "3" was right, but it didn't discuss if the "1" is correct at that point. I spent a lot of time dealing with this annoying thing, but without any progress, hence I just left it there.

I woke up hardly before 1 p.m. (another record in Hong Kong) and had lunch. Then I turned on the computer, where Bill was waiting. He asked me for my work the moment he saw me online, and I gave him my "insane solution". As I've expected, he doubted my modification, but he soon accept its necessity. However, he distrust my result via using Mathematica. In fact, he was hostile to it.

Bill: but sorry.. can you tell me how to expand that equation??
Pony: It's a Taylor expansion, isn't it?
Bill: yes
Pony: Then why not simply give the final result?
Bill: i want to do it by hand once..
Pony: You just do it with in the regular way we learned in Calculus, no shortcut, it seems. With some labor, you can get the correct result.
(A long silence)
Bill: OK...may be i just trust your result...==.==

Later, he talked about "steps" and "explanation" with me.
Bill: I think professor don't suppose we use mathematica to solve.
Pony: You can add a sentence like, "After eight hours of involving algebra, I finally get:"
Bill: are you kidding.....
Pony: You were talking about explanation, and you're a bit hostile to software package.
Pony: So that's the best explanation you can write.
Bill: ok...because i feel guilty that i didn't go through the step myself..

His words made me quite uncomfortable. Anyway, I'm very proud of my first report, whatever grade it will get. As to "forbid the using of ISP", I've thought of a whole set of excuse to deal with that.

Come Across

Sun By Stefanie Sun

Hearing the departure of winter,
I woke up at a point of some year.
I thought, I waited, I expected,
But the future cannot be rearranged.

Cloudy, evenfall, ouside the window,
Someone is waiting in tomorrow.
I looked left, and right, and the front,
How many crooks should love go through before it arrives?

Whom I will come across, and what the dialog will be like?
How long is it before I meet the waited one?
I heard wind, from subway and the crowd,
I'm in a queue, holding the number for love.

I fly forward, across a sea of time,
Both of us has got injured in love.
I peer at the road, the entrance of love is narrow,
Coming across you is the most beautiful accident.

Sooner or later, the riddle will be answered.

10th Anniversary

Dedicated to the best love tragedy ever appeared on the Internet in Chinese language,

And to the immortal love whose power can overcome the distance between love and death.

September 18th, 1997

Flyindance Sent Her First Email to Slorr

The Figures Released

Today, with the data calculated last night (this morning, in fact), the almighty Lord Maverick plotted them out with Matlab. As a showing off, I'll post them here for you.

Well, should Professor Z. Y. Chen ever found this page, and accuse one of his students of "copying these from Pony into his paper", just come and find the author of that paper, and he'll explain.

The trajectory of a particle in a field, with different step h, from 10^-2 to 10^-5.

The energy of the particle mentioned above. It's supposed to be a constant, but error is inevitable in computational physics, the only question is how large the error is.

The motion of a pendulum, solved with Euler's method, a very rough method for ODEs. The line "below" is for the angle it turned in respect of vertical. It should be perfectly periodical, but error make it greatly distorted. The line "above" is for angular velocity, it is even more distorted.

The same pendulum, solved with Velvet's method, a method particularly suitable for 2nd-order ODE with periodical solution. You can see its advantage.

Stay Up Late for Serious Stuff

I've never gone to bed early since I came to Hong Kong, but this is the first time I do it for serious stuff, instead of entertaining myself.

Well, more seriously, for the damned involving assignment of PHYS382: Computational Physics

The algorithm is not difficult at all-- at least the core of them. Most of them are about interpolation and solving ODE, the methods for the latter are most straightforward-- the error is relatively great, of course! The greatest obstacle for me is the familiarity of the C language.

I began my life as a "coder" with Basic, and switched to Pascal at the age of 16 or so. I've only learned some Java before I came to university, which is the only thing I learned that at least has some resemblance with C. Of course I studied the idea of Object-Orientated with C++, but I never bother remembering the exact format of its code. I systematically learned some C language in a course one year ago, and got perfect mark in the final. That's all I had before I took the course.

The first obstacle is how to access the files on the hard disk. One of my classmates recommended a website with useful information about C++, but just wanna do it with a pure C style. Hence I searched the Web via Baidu until I found a page with the knowledge I needed.

Understanding how it works is way too far from actual coding, because so much practical problem should be considered. It is particularly hard for a theoretical physicist like me, who spend all day doing ideal experiments in the head. While dealing with the interpolation, I thought more point given would be more accurate, and used 500 points for calculation. Needless to say, it simply overflowed. The final result would not diverge, but during the calculation, huge numbers are to be dealt with. I realized it only after carefully analysis the algorithm, and reduced the number of points to 50, and it turned out to be just fine.

ODE solving is also far involving than I imagined, and some least expected errors are came across that made me call Baidu for help from time to time. One of these ridiculous things is: Before actually begin the calculation with floating number, one must do a meaningless calculation to make the Turbo compiler load a somewhat system to deal with floating number. This meaningless calculation will definitely go wrong, but the meaningful ones after that will go right. It is one of the flaws of Turbo compilers, and I only realized it by writing some tiny programs to test it.

Hence, I stayed up until almost 3, struggling with these codes, seemingly perfect but giving wrong result. I used all sort of debug methods I've ever learned. It is really agony to do such arduous, bad job. Finally, I got them all right.

However, during the process I've reviewed and learned many techniques I'll doubtlessly come across in other assignments. By that time, I think I can do them right far more quickly!

A First Setback

Unexpected, really unexpected.

It had been a long time since I failed to foresee what might happen in an exam last-- although it was not an exam, it was but a fucking quiz. It had been a long time since I have this feeling of being caught off guard last.

Though I acknowledge that it was my responsibility after all, and I don't wanna give any excuse. May it be that a 10-minute-quiz has never been experienced by me, or be that I utterly hate that TA with ridiculous glasses. I know I've underestimated this damned quiz. Not the difficulty-- I've received as much information about it before the quiz as now. I just thought these elementary things are nothing to my skill, and given time, I can sort them all out even if I cannot remember some particular formula-- given time.

In fact, it is not that the time is too limited for me, although the damned TA began to distribute papers after she began the timing. The problem is that I'm frightened when I found the limited time. Though, knowing this now, I'll not be frightened ever again and will do far better next time, the failure this time won't be changed.

Now, what to do? I've already got the name of the "answer boy", but it will not be appreciated by most Mainland students. I have to do better in every other aspect to avoid being taunted, and see what I've done!

Expecially her, I know. I kind of wish I can leave a better impression in her heart. If she know my mark, what would her say?

Professor is another problem. I was trying to show how much I'd learned to him. It seems that he looked on me as an outstanding student. If he found I cannot get good mark in a quiz, what would he say?

Let it be.

A Summary of the Previous Adventure

Yesterday I came across T. Y. Liu on QQ, and she asked me at what time I sleep most of the night. I said, "12:00 p.m is quite early, while 2:00 a.m. is quite late for me." She appeared to be quite surprised and concerned, said, "Why the hell do you sleep so late!" She added later, "It's not like in Zhuhai, you're so far from your home and family! You have to take good care of yourself!" I replied, "Okay, that's for the concern from my dearest sister :) I'll handle that myself!" However, "I was thinking to myself", it had been already several times when I stayed up until 3 a.m. Due to the lack of sleep, I felt so tired on the night of Tuesday that I took a nap at 10 p.m., woke up by 12:30, and stayed up until 3. Due to this, I woke up the next morning to find it has already been almost 10 and I'd missed the lecture already, so I just skipped it. What I wanna say is, that's definitely not the only outrageous thing I'd done these days.

There was a somewhat TV series, in which there was such lines. A man yelled to his mistress, who asked him to be "responsible" and to marry her. He said, "I'm a man. I need adventure. I need to something new and exciting. I wish each day, each hour, would be lived differently from before! I want each minute and each second to be different from before, do you understand!" I'm not intended to find myself a mistress(though I'll not reject fooling around with some other students), nor do I have any interest in prostitute, but I totally agree with his words about the nature of man. I hold this as self-evident, that all man are born to explore and to adventure. A man should never be satisfied, at least in youth, with what he has learned, see, and experienced. Instead, he should endeavor to try what he has never tried.

Explores, as well as adventures, might be risky, but for men, ultimate delight always comes along with risk. Learn to face the risk and to deal with risk is the required course for each male student in the university of life.

I'm a scientist, at least planning to be one. Do you remember how the outstanding scientists in the Terran force report to the army? It's "Explorer reporting!" All the scientists are born to be explorers, to explore the secrets of this universe we live in, to explore the regions that is unknown to man, or to explore dangerous aliens buried in the ground.

I long for exploring, I long for adventure, I long for attempting things I've never done before, legal and illegal (drug is an exception, of course!).

However, one thing about her word is right, "It is not like Zhuhai", it is not like China, it is not like that my parents can control my behavior, and that's why I can do these outrageous things, and that's why I enjoy the life here, so much.

Zhuhai is a city I've lived in for two years, but I've not explored it much, nor has this city got anything worthing exploring. There were something new and exciting for me during the first semester, and I still remember the days when I did all those I've never done in high school, like play turant and skip classes, like have long chats with Racoon all night long, like visit Shenzhen along with him by sea. Those are just so exhilarating! However, that was still Mainland, and new things were, after all, relatively little. What's more, I hade to report all these to my parents, and I had to think before doing things they would probably disagree. I stopped doing those by November, 2005, partly because the depression of my first failure in relationship. Each day is the same as before. Eating the same food, sleep on the same bed, studying seven to ten hours day after day. Should it not be the classes, I'm afraid I could have lost the concept of date already.

There was one of my favorite porn novels called The Enslaver of Dragons, in which there were such words about one of the dragons, who became the mistress of the hero, "Her life before can be simply summarized into seeking for food, flying, fighting with dragons that incur her dislike, occasionally killing bandits near her lair. The life now is so fresh, strange and interesting, and what'll happen in next minute is completely unpredictable. Before that, even if the God of Creation, the God of Fate, or even the God of Dragon tell her themselves that she'll fall in love with a human, she would rather think that these gods are nuts. However, if she's gonna be back to the dull life before, she would rather die."

That is exactly the same feeling of mine. And that's why I love the life in Hong Kong.

Impression of the HKUST Library

To be honest, I am writing this blog on a computer in the library of HKUST. That is one of the many marvelous things I discovered about this library. ("Which computer are you using, exactly?" Well, you can see the computer immediately when you come to LG3 via stairs, and I can see the bookshelves in front of me. Has I made myself clear?) I chose to write it on this computer to make it more worthy of memorizing.

I have described in my previous blog the amount of books in this library, and how many significant, meaningful books and journals that cannot be easily found in SYSU can easily be found here. I've made a book list that I'm gonna finish this semester a couple of days ago. Though the list seems too huge for me to finish, I really don't think I can drop any of them. The "author" column of this list includes Feynman, Landau, Dirac, J. D. Jackson, C. Kittel, A. Pais and many other big shots. When I search for "Author=Feynman", there are more than sixty results, most of which are worthy of reading. When I showed the result page to Darth Maverick, he apparently showed his envy to this. One of the big problems is the categorizing method here is quite different from that of Mainland, but with the powerful searching engine provided by the Library, I don't think it's a big problem.

As to the journals, I've not come up with a way of using them efficiently, partly because I'm kind of freaked out in front of such a great amount of information and don't know what to do. However, I'll definitely try to make good use of them.

What's more, there are a lot of E-books that can be easily accessed. One of the problems I came across in Zhuhai is the great lack of exercise books, those assembled mathematical or physical problems, along with detailed solution. I have to search for them all around the Internet to get some. However, many such books can be found in the form of E-books in UST. Of course, the amount of E-books is far larger than that, and there's still a lot to be explored.

Even this single advantage will make me really appreciate this place. However, after I attended an Orientation Tour yesterday, I found that there are far more potential advantages that haven't been discovered. I believe, should I be able to learn to make full use of all these, the power released can be unimaginable.

All above are just trivial topics about a library, and now I wanna discuss the environment of this place.

The library is made up of five floors, and the majority of the books I needed are on floor LG3, while all the so-called "bounded periodicals" are positioned on LG1 (there's no LG2, by the way). Hence these are the places I'm gonna visit most frequently this semester. The books are arranged in a strange sequence. Generally speaking, the books are, doubtlessly, arranged according to their "call numbers". In order to go through all the books in the order of ascending call numbers, one have to move in S-shape. (It's kind of hard to explain without graph, but I can tell that it took me not a little time to get used to it.)

LG4 is for books on "Social Science & Humanities", such as economics and literature. There I saw some new technology called "compact bookshelves". There are too many books concerning these subjects, and too little room to keep them. Hence someone come up with this great idea of putting all the shelves on the rail, driven by motor. Hence, they can be "compacted" together, making it possible to put much more shelves in limited space. When anyone need a book, he simply push a button on the corresponding shelf, and the motor will move the shelves apart, making a corridor between them, so that he can simply walk in and fetch the book. I don't know which creative genius came up with this idea, but it was just marvelous!

Another thing that is worth mentioning is that there are many computers in the library, and students can use them for free. There is a special region, whose name I forgot, that has much resemblance with a Net Cafe. The computers there are fairly fast, and the keyboard is far more comfortable than that of my laptop. And, as many necessary softwares are installed, one can do almost anything related to studying and working there, and many things not related to them. A major exception is playing games, but it can make someone like me work efficiently without being distracted by the desire of playing them. Hence, I decide to use them more.

Beside these, several computers can be found in each level. They're not something that can only be used to search for books in the library, and nothing else, though they are supposed to do the job. Most of them can be used to access whatever website, like the one I am using now. However, unlike those in the "Net Cafe Region", it can only be used to surf on Internet, for only the browser was installed. That's enough for me already!

The desks and seat are not so different from those of SYSU libraries, and I'm not gonna explain them here.

The air-conditioner is really a little too "fierce". It's not a problem, though, as I'm more handsome in trousers and shirt, than in shorts and T-shirt. I can just wear more formally.

That's all for today, and I'll give more about the library if I found anything new, later.

Anti-China & Anti-Mainland (II)

Anti-Mainland is totally different. I didn't know that guys in Hong Kong dare hate Mainland. One, Hong Kong is part of China, and we're all Chinese people. Two, the economy of Hong Kong, especially tourism, depends greatly on Mainland, and will collapse shortly after 1997 should it not be Mainland. Third, the military force in Hong Kong is poor, and if there's a rebellion, the whole tiny city will be crushed within 24 hours. Anti-Mainland is something totally unexpected, and I hate it from the very beginning.

The first time I read about anti-Mainland stuffs was in the bulletin of our school. Some posters complained that UST accepted too many students from Mainland. He said the problem is "It caused the great shortage of place in the dormitory, thus many local students are compelled to be non-resident students." In another poster from UST, it's explained that the problem has been improved by "We'll charge the Mainland students more for tuition and dormitory ". Yet another poster by an anonymous local student said, "If you Mainland Bitches found yourself discriminated, don't complain to us. Complain to the 'Eastern MIT' which chose to get too many of your ass in here."

This is definitely the most absurd idiocy I've ever came across. "Dormitory"? If you give me reasons like "more competition"(isn't competition a good thing to you idle Hong Kong playboys?) or "worse teaching due to larger classes"(One of the courses I attended has only 4 students while 3 of them are local), I'll try to accept. I can never, and will never understand why Hong Kong guys take housing as such a serious issue. Perhaps it's because Hong Kong guy feel it's too crowd to live on this teeny tiny island (that can be turned into rumbles with a couple of PLA missiles). Let me tell you something else. I've two roommates now, both local. They continually go home for they cannot stand the environment of the dorm (which I enjoy a lot). I've gone downtown for several times, and I can get to any part of Kowloon or Island within an hour. The charge? Are you idiot or something? It's already far higher than that of local students, and the salary in Mainland is far lower in Hong Kong! Do you know how much Mainland genius, that you pricks might beg one of them to visit UST and give a lecture decades later, may be too poor too afford UST? I think the unqualified HK students should spend hundreds of thousands of HK$ of extra fee to buy a chance to study in UST, and the money should be used as scholarship for poor Mainland students so that they can study in UST for 3 years FREE. What's more, if any of you HK fools find it uncomfortable to be called "fool", "idiot" or "prick", just come to me and try to overwhelm me with ACADEMIC.

However, the word "Mainland bitch"("Dai Lou Hi") was very noticeable, and i tried to search in Baidu. As I've expected, much more Anti-Mainland things are discovered.

Some of them criticize the ugliness of Mainland people, such as dump rubbish and spit in the wrong place. I'm neither surprised nor provoked. Every nation has their flaws, and we have to accept them when they're pointed out (even in an unfriendly way). What is intolerable for me is things like "We are from Hong Kong, not Chinese!" There are still a post with some foolish white people sticking his genital into the the tailpipe of a car, commenting, "See? Western people are far stronger and superior than Chinese! We Hong Kong people prefer white man to Chinks!" What the hell is this? Damned fools! Hong Kong is part of China, and everyone from Hong Kong is Chinese people. Every insult of "Chinese people" is an insult to themselves! Hong Kong guys are not at all superior than Mainlanders, if not inferior. After 1997, Hong Kong has lost most of its original advantage, and greatly depends on Mainland. What you should do is obey and respect, not point your damned nose into the sky.

So why are they so proud? Yesterdays, I discussed it with a girl majoring in history in CHKU. I asked her, "Are Hong Kong people proud?" She said, "Yes. They thought they are superior." "Than whom? All the world?" "No. They show great respect and admire to white people. They just believe they're superior than all the Asian people." "For what? For HK has been a colony and they have been slaves?" "Slave of an kingdom that was the strongest in the world when it took Hong Kong, yes."

Her word reminds me of something else. My former deskmate, Morgan, wrote in his blog about the experience when he was applying for visas to to various countrys in order to attend a plan of going around a world. He wrote, "All the foreign officers in the embassy are polite, and being with them efficient. On the contrary, it is those Chinese people working at the embassy that yell at me, being proud, inpatient and rude to their fellow countryman." These Chinese staffs are, after all, workers. They're essentially equivalent to waiters in an restaurant, or tellers in a bank, or "sex workers" in a brothel. The only difference is that, they work for foreigners. And, if their boss, their master, is from developed western country, that's even better.

When their masters are modest and polite, treating Chinese applicants friendly, the slaves have learned to be proud and rude. This is miserable and ridiculous, indeed.

In fact, master Lu Xun has already described this nature of slave in the soul of Chinese people. Decades ago, he said slaves always feel they are superior for they are the slave of a powerful master.

Why? In my personal opinion, it has two reasons. Firstly, they actually feel that they're inferior as slaves. It's just that they wanna conceal their contempt to themselves, and spare no effort to declare the opposite thing. Should they be actually somewhat superior, they won't deliberately show their proud, because they don't need to demonstrate anything in this way. Secondly, the really significant people never feel they're superior, because they've got used to being special, just like a lightning scar didn't brought its owner any pride. The totally ordinary people never feel they're superior, because they aren't. All those who think themselves are something are a little better than ordinary in some way, but has limited power and significance. They've been longing for status and fame for so long, so when they get a little of these, they're too happy to know what to do with them.

These are the flaws of human nature, not limited to Chinese people. Simply acknowledging these "filthy things" is not at all shameful. Pretending to be flawless, on the other hand, is utterly disgusting.

A Visit to CUHK

Jieru suddenly called me at about 10:30 a.m. when I'd just woke up, and directly asked me whether I'm interested in visiting Chinese University of Hong Kong. Knowing that another girl (and another boy) would go along with us, I agreed without much hesitation.


The girl turned out to be totally my favorite kind, small and cute, very sweet in my eyes. The boy was a god-damned total pedant. He asked me about chaos and non-linear system immediately he knew my major. They were both biologists, and had both participated in the Olympic Competition of Biology in high school. The girl had even got a gold medal!


We took mini-bus, MTR and KCR in succession, and finally arrived at the KCR station of "University". In Hong Kong, a railway station can be simply named as "University", while refering to neither HKU nor UST, is really an amazing fact. At least, this "university" should has approximately the same fame and significance as HKU or UST, and, it is.


HKU locates in the downtown area of the Island, and is surronded by skyscrapers. UST locates on the coastline of eastern Kowloon, and is flanked by hills and the sea. CUHK locates in the middle of the New Territory, and the view is totally different with the other two eminent universities. When I walked out of the station, the first thing that jumped into my eyes was green, endless hills. The CUHK is totally surronded by hills. The whole campus was built in a mountainous area, which count as one resemblance with UST. However, UST is built on a tremendous slope, and the buildings distributes along the slope, like giant stairs. CUHK, on the other hand, is built on several hills, and the terrain of the campus is far more changeful than that of UST.


A girl from CUHK met us outside the station. She was a friend of the girl I newly met. As none of us had had lunch, she led us to the canteen. We chatted on the way, and I came to know that her major was history, concentrating on the history of China. She was a bit shy to meet so many strangers at the same time, but she soon began to be talkative.


After ordering our food, we sat down and continue chatting. A pure physician as I am, I knew quite a bit about Chinese history, and have studied the Chinese society and politics in depth. Hence, I immediately began a talk about the CP and their policy, and showed my "astounding" knowledge of both history and politics. The young historian turned out to be more than a match to me, her wit and wisdom is just amazing. It seems that Jieru can introduce elites in all sorts of domains to me from time to time, and that's the greatest thing, as my goal of fooling around in Hong Kong is to know more elites.

After lunch, she showed me around in the campus. The "urban" campus of HKU is a strange mixture of traditional and modern elements. Some of the buildings are so "antique" while most of the buildings are too "young", and all of the buildings just crowd in the area of highest land price in Hong Kong, with relatively less trees and grass, making me feel very uncomfortable. The "coastal" campus of UST is somewhat better, with the breeze from the sea and the landscape of the coast. However, the buildings here are even more crowd than those of HKU, and they're too new, just way too new. The "mountainous" campus of CUHK was far better. There were enough plants, not to say the green hills surronding it. The buildings are of modern style, but must have been there for decades. As there're plenty of land, the buildings are not at all crowded together, and distributed very artistically. The whole campus is just like a huge garden, which reminds me of Zhuhai, but far more vital. As a famous Chinese saying goes, "The moral ones love mountain, while the wise ones love water." Are there many moral ones in CUHK?

While the dominant language of HKU is British English and that of UST is American English, CUHK is a Cantonese environmet. As I wandered in the campus, posters and announcements in pure, elegant Cantonese can be seen everywhere. Cantonese language is very exhilarating when and only when it is pure, without any "pollution" from Mandarin, and I found it very nice to read those Cantonese posters.

Eventually, we arrived at a place where the eastern coast of New Territory can be seen clearly, and I took photo with the girls. After that, I left at about 4 p.m.

Anti-China & Anti-Mainland (I)

One of the advantages in Hong Kong is that, we can receive a lot of information about anti-Mainland and anti-China.


Unlike mainland, Hong Kong, in principle, permits all sorts of viewpoints to express and prove themselves, however ridiculous they seem. "Should it be absurd, the people can easily dump it; if it is accepted by some people, then it must be right to some extent." It really make one from Mainland like me feels exhilarating when some much voice that cannot be heard in Mainland are heard. Even they are essencially negative.


Chinese people are always proud, thinking themselves superior than any other race on this planet, and loves to boast themselves and their homeland. In fact, these flaws are more or less shared by all the nations. However, when I've heard too much of these bullshits, I look forward to something for a change. That's why the first time when I came across anti-China things, I felt excited rather than angry. However, as I was reading more and more about these, I gradually changed my mind.


The reason why I used to find some of the anti-China exhilarating is that so much truth and history has been deliberately distorted, modified, and even hidden by CCP from the people. One of them is "two to the sixth power". Therefore, when I read about them, when some information are confirmed to be true, my feeling is so similar to that of Harry when he discovered some of Dumbledore's ungraceful history that has been hidden from the public. I never think it wise to hide the truth, especially from the public. If the government just acknowledge your behavior and explain them to the public, people may or may not forgive the wrongdoers, but most of the them will accept and appreciate the honesty. Nothing can be hidden for good. If the public found that the government attempted to hide something, they will definitely get more angry. Hence, I enjoyed reading and watching things about the dark side of the CCP and of our race. I even tried to search for such videos on the Internet (another advantage of studying in UST is that: I can get access to whatever website that might be blocked by GFW.) However, after I stayed up until 4:00 a.m. this morning to watch a huge amount of such videos along with their comments (mostly by Western people), I began to think otherwise.

Most of the comments can fall into two sorts. One is what a great threat (to what? absolute power of US?) China is, such like our ambition in military. The other is how vile the Chinese people is, such like how they export unqualified things to Western world (like pet food and toothpaste). The reason why I'm annoyed by these comments is not their viewpoint--I welcome all kinds of different voice and enjoy judging something from many different aspects. It is their innocence that annoyed me most. Most of these fools didn't bother actually learning about the actual China before uttering these craps. I used to think that western people are more civilized and better educated comparing to us, and now I found that there are also a considerable number of idiots who is no wiser than those Chinese guys to whom I've shown my worst contempt.

Though I'm not a over-sensitive guy and am ready to tolerate slight offending. Some fools in China cannot accept a dictionary in which the word "Chink" can be looked up, because they actually feel that China is inferior and just wanna conceal it by continuous claiming the opposite thing. However, I definitely hate racialism, and should I be called as "Chink" by a white guy, I'll definitely has his ass kicked. I acknowledge all the ugliness in the nature of Chinese people, but if anybody considers it as a reason to discriminate us, to insult us, or to look down upon us, I'll definitely fight back.

I've read a lot about the disgraceful truth about China that has been originally hidden from us, and I've accepted them all. I LOVE MY HOMELAND SO MUCH DESPISE ALL THOSE I NEWLY KNEW. In fact, I began to love it better. I finally found why many guys become enthusiastic patriots after living aboard. I don't think China, or Chinese people, is superior than any of you, but I don't think we are inferior in any aspect, either. If anybody think we Chinese shouldn't be so proud and must accept our flaws and problems, that's fine. If anybody ever think we Chinese should look down upon ourselves or try to discriminate us for our flaws, I'll be the first one to shatter him into millions of pieces that spread onto the ground.

The Dinner

This evening, there is a banquet for all the UG Hall IV students. I was originally reluctant to come, but considering the possibility to know some other guys and girls, I finally chose to be there. The fact turned out to be that, I was right.

At the beginning, I sat at a table with my new roommate. Later, I found that everyone around it are local guys, except me. There wasn't any girl to flirt with, nor any white people or Mainland students to talk to me in some language I'm familiar with. Rude as it was, I asked to leave for another table, and my roommate didn't object. Hence, I moved to another table surrounded by Mainland students, half of whom are girls, and asked one of them if I could sit by her side, which is approved without hesitation.

I began to accost the chick immediately after settling down, and found that she was from Sichuan, originally studying in Fudan University. Hence, I managed to begin a talk on Shanghai, and asked her questions about it. However, she knew little about the city either, so I wisely switched the topic to some other nonsense. She's so very cute and funny and we have such a good talk before I realized that continuously talking with her my be impolite in such situation, and my motive of flirting will be too apparent.

By this time, I found the lovely girl I met on the "material" class was also at our table, along with another slender beauty. Hence I asked her to introduce the new girl to me. She told me that this new girl was her current roommate, and she's from Shanghai Jiao Tong University. "Considering your accent and appearance, you cannot be born and brought up in Shanghai.", I said. "Yep, I'm actually from northeastern China, Shenyang to be more exactly." Gosh, it's at least the fourth northeastern Chinese I've met in a week! I hate to flirt with northeastern girls, to be honest, because I'm not at all a suitable boy to hook up with by their standard. Furthermore, she was sitting way too far from me! However, I still managed a small and friendly chat with her.

Before the dinner was over, I managed to get the cellphone number of them both, as all my previous flirtings.

Well, I'm getting kind of tired of flirting Chinese girls, and maybe I shall just flirt some foreign girls should I have the chance next time.

The Courses

As I have mentioned, I'm taking 3 different courses this semester, 12 credits in total. I think I've complained enough (and it turned out to be nothing worth complaining), and I'll not do that again. As I've attended classes of all 3 courses by now, I'm gonna describe all these courses-- well, more than that. I'll tell you my experience during these first classes.

The first course I took was Thermodynamics and Statistical Physics. That's not at all hard for someone who has finished reading Landau SP. I took it simply because I thought it could be converted into credit of Advanced Statistical Physics of SYSU more easily. So I arrived at the classroom a little earlier, and found this girl sitting inside.

As the girl is quite pretty and sweet, I determined to flirt her. Not knowing whether she's local or from Mainland like me, I tried to talk to her in English, and she turned out to be from northeastern China! I immediately switched back to Mandarin--with northeastern accent, and had a good, happy chat with her. She was not an exchange student, but a true year 0 student! Her major is something like economics. She found out my major and asked me to solve a mathematical problem for her, which I agreed without hesitation. I solved it quickly (it's high school level thing) and explained it to her, in exchange of that admiring expression in her eyes. As the end of a standard flirting procedure, we exchanged our cellphone number with each other, and she left for her class when more and more people coming into the classroom.

The ones sitting around me are all exchanged from CUST, the notorious university known as "MIT China Office". I tried to hide my contempt to these to-be-destroyed talents, and soon began to talk with a slender, long-hair, plain-looking girl. I made full use of my "skill of tongue" and soon we became acquaintances, if not friends. So far I've no intention to hook up with her, but it's never bad to know more girls, pretty or not.

OK, let's come back to the course. The professor is a middle-aged white people. He declared that he was from eastern America, which is likely to be true judging from his accent. He began with a lot of bullshit. (though, considering the difficulty of the course, almost everything to be uttered by him will be quite useless for me, and the only difference is whether his word can make me laugh.) And then, he began to explain trivial things like energy and temperature. He delivered the speech in a slow, calm manner, so slow and calm that is very likely to make us sleep. However, none of use felt like sleeping, and it's indeed a miracle! Finally he came to a question, and I thought it was the best opportunity to legally show off. Hence I bounced up and give a short lecture ad lib. I've make absolutely no particular preparation, for I need none. The lecture was recorded in my blog yesterday, from which you can find that I spoke nothing significant. It demonstrated that my motive was pure showing off, and I succeeded!

After that, I ran crazily to the classroom for the next course, because the two classrooms I had to go appeared on the two different corners of the map, and I've only 10 minutes to cover the distance! The fact is that I arrived in 5 minutes, and I think I'll not run so hard next time.

After arriving at the classroom, I noticed a lovely (in my standard) girl who is possibly from Mainland. (I can judge whether one is definitely NOT from Mainland by appearance, with astonishing accuracy.) Though I've flirted a lot during the day, I determined to flirt once more. I approached to her and began a chat in English, which soon switched to Mandarin when I found she's actually from Mainland. She was exchanged from Nanjing University (where the best Department of Physics in Mainland locates!), and is actually a senior. After some friendly chat as a preparation, I naturally sat beside her and went on talking to her until the class began.

The teacher was an Asian, in fact, was likely to be a Chinese. Oh, I almost forgot to say that the course is named "Defects in the Material". He began to explain this low and dreamy voice, so low and dreamy that make it hard to tell what he's talking about. (and it had nothing to do with the language used.) Therefore, I continually talking with the girl beside me. After the class, I sent the girl back to the dorm, and continued to do all the nonsense-but-happy talking together. I intended to have dinner with her, but she said she had already had tea and was not hungry. Hence, I parted with her.

It is by then that I found I'd been really starved. In fact, it's the first time I have dinner later than 7 p.m. because of class! So I rushed to the canteen and had a great meal. So much for yesterday.

The class today began on 9:00. As it's been too long a time since I woke up before 9 last, I had to use the damned alarm clock function of my cellphone. However, after being "waken", I stayed on the bed until I persuade my body that I don't want to be late for this first class. I intended to have breakfast, but it turned out to be impossible since I don't know how long it would take me. Hence I arrived at the door of the classroom 5 minutes before the class began. I thought I didn't have to be in such a hurry, but it's always better than being late.

The professor is indeed an impressive guy. He arrived and asked me, who was waiting at the door, "Is it the classroom?" I said yes, but it seemed to be locked. In fact I had not tried to open it. He pushed the door, and it swung open. He turned to me and said, "See? You didn't give it a chance!" It's really a good first lesson!

The teacher was another Chinese, I can tell. Though he didn't speak any Chinese during the class, his accent revealed everything. Another thing that caught my eyes were he wore a pair of shorts and a pair of sandals. Though shorts and sandals are not forbidden in public places in Hong Kong, it's definitely not proper either. It really gave me a good impression, for I thought he is not likely to be one of the dude guys.

I've already known that only four students selected the course, and I'm one of them. However, only 3 of us actually turned up! The other two are local students considering their appearance. I couldn't tell whether they're elites or fools, but judging from the difficulty of the course (it's the first time I have no absolute confidence in a course), they must have a real skill to pick the course. I'll learn about their true ability by talking to them later.

That's all for today.

The First Triumph

Professor: What is the physical meaning of p=0?

(Pony raised his hand, and the professor asked him to go on.)

Pony: In my personal opinion, pressure is produced by the motion of the particles that make up the gas. So, when p=0, if it can ever be realized, all the particles would become perfectly static. However, according to the Third Law of Thermodynamics, the absolute zero can never be reached. Hence, it is but an ideal situation that only exists in physicists' minds. By the way, ideal gas is but a model,an approximation of the real gas. All kinds of gas, when approaching 0K, would become liquid, or even solid. Oh and furthermore, this "perfect static" thing only exists in classical physics. In quantum world, it indicates that the particles' positions can be perfectly determined, hence violate the principle of uncertainty. That's all, thank you.

Plan of the Semester in UST

Yesterday I had dinner with Fangfang. I used to look forward to this when I had a great many questions to ask about Hong Kong and living in Hong Kong. However, as I'd managed to answer most of them by the time we met, it became a simple chat. Fangfang had always been an aggressive girls since I came to knew her years ago when she was a sophomore. Her aggressiveness and enterprise deeply affected me, and I made up my mind to make full use of this precious semester in Hong Kong, to maximize the achievement, even at the price of making the life in this beautiful, modern city hard or even tedious.

Hence, after I returned to my room, I sat down and began to think about it.

Only 12 out of the 18 credits I applied are approved, this is both good news and bad news. On one hand, I'll have more time to do what I want to do and what is meaningful to me. I always have sufficient ability of self-restriction when I found it necessary, so that's not a big problem for me. On the other hand, I have to accomplish another 56 credits in junior and senior year. That is 14 credits per semester. As I’m planning to participate in some research group in these two years, as well as the annoying GRE and TOEFL, I have to accomplish most of these credits as soon as possible. Leaving 44 credits for the last 3 semesters, which are fully occupied by jobs other than attending classes, is definitely not wise.

However, as far as I know, the classes in UST are small, and the teacher can easily watch all the students. That is to say, it is impossible to do other things and read other books during the classes. Hence, it seems wise not to take too many courses in UST. Firstly, I can attend classes in SYSU, and it’s apparently not I apply for this chance to be here. Time (rather than energy) should be saved for things that cannot be done in SYSU. Secondly, though I may take a few more courses when I’m back to SYSU, I can do whatever I like—memorizing new words, reading other books, or thinking about problems I may come across in researching. I can even skip classes if only I like, and it’s not imaginable in UST. Hence, I think the situation now is just perfect.

So what are the “things that cannot be done in SYSU”? What are unique in UST? It’s definitely not the exhilarating view of Clear Water Bay. I’ve seen enough of these in Zhuhai.

The first thing, I think, is the huge library. I’ve explored the library for a couple of times, and it just astonished me. There are many books and journals rarely seen in Mainland. Some books are either impossible to be found in SYSU Library or difficult to be found (because the library thinks there’s definitely nobody to read them and are not bothered to sort them!) I’ve already discovered many valuable books that I’d always been longing to read, that’s just amazing! If I don’t read them and gain benefit from them, half of the extra money I spend in HK would be wasted! Journals like Physics Review and Royal Society are available, and more journals can be accessed in the form of E-book. These are even more useful to me. It’s the short time I being here that limited my quantity of reading, not the amount of literature worthy of reading.

The second thing is the chance to meet the elites from all over the world. I’ve already met several students that are very capable, and I think I can come to know more of them if I continue trying. These elites I come to know will be proved to be very significant resources. The more I grow up, the more I realize the importance of capable allies. When one come across some problem that cannot be solved by his own, finding someone that is willing and capable of helping him to solve it is a far more efficient way than trying to solve it alone. What’s more, these students are from different cultural background, and the skill to cope with them and to make friend will them is very important, especially when I’m in US. Hence, I’d better practice such skill from now, and UST provides me a perfect platform. All I discussed above are about students, while making friends with the professors can be even more important, though a little harder given the short time of contact.

The third thing is about the city of Hong Kong. As I mentioned before, HK is basically a Chinese city while has many, many elements of western culture. Living in this city, learn to adapt myself to a new environment, is very important for me.

Therefore, my plan here is quite determined. There’s a lot to do, but I’ll try my best to accomplish as much work as possible.

One thing is sure: I’ll have little time to entertain myself, which obviously including relationship. I don’t think I’ve got enough time, energy and money to pursue someone this semester, so I’ll concentrate on what I have to do, and try to distract myself from the need of a girlfriend. However, should I have chance to flirt with other girls, I’d not miss them; should there be anyone silly enough to come to me actively, I’ll accept and enjoy.

Pony's Adventures in Hong Kong

Well, as you can see, this is actually published later, because I come up with this idea after I experienced more. However, as the first day of each month is always a "resolution", I'll gonna publish it on this date.

When I was selected to be exchanged to UST, I was so excited, I looked on it as my honor, I thought I would achieve a lot, but I've never imagined that I can have so much.

It's my first time to be in a place that actually isolated me from my family, or make me feel like this. When I was in Zhuhai, though I'm 200 kilometers away from my home, I never feel my family is faraway. When I need to call my mother, I can call without any hesitation. When I wanna go home, I can go back within 1.5 hours at a price of US$ 4. This looks nice but, meanwhile, it made me less independent. If I can look for help or for shelter whenever I like, I'll instinctively depend on it. What's worse, it allows my parents to monitor and control all my hehaviors, and it deprived me the right to make all sorts of crazy decisions. However, a long distance call from HK to my Mainland is at least 1 HK$, and I have to spend at least US$ 10 and 3 hours to go back home. According to the human nature, when I realized I cannot ask for help easily from my family, I'll not try to ask for it. It gives me the feeling of making all sorts of decisions, and do all sort of outrageous things without being interferred by parents. It's great!

It is my first time to be put into a culturally foreign environment. I experienced a little "cultural shock" in Hong Kong, though not so intense as I'd imagined. The difference between Hong Kong and Mainland is so obvious and there's a great amount to get used to. Hence, it's not so easy to adapt myself to this new city. However, besides the necessity and significance of learning to adapt, the procedure itself is just great! It's really exhilarating to explore this university, this city and this culture, and I find such eye-opening really funny.

Hence, I decides to make full use of the four months time and try all sorts of thing I'm not gonna try in Mainland. I'll write all these down and publish them all as a series. As some of my plans are so reckless and foolhardy that they're qualified to be called "adventures", I'll name the series "Pony's Adventure in Hong Kong". The label will be "S_Hongkong, T_Adventure". This label will be given to all the records of my exploring, experiencing and experiments, but not those issues that discuss what I discovered in the explorations.

That's all.

Orientation for Exchange Students

It's supposed to be very, very significant for me, 'cause one of the advantages of being here is to meet guy from all over the world. However, I nearly messed it up by going to bed at 2:30 a.m. Though the alarm-clock function of my cellphone did its job and I went there on time, I paid the price: the stick attached to the cellphone to touch the screen was lost. It fell into the narrow gap between the wall and the bed.

I'm sort into two categories: "exchange student from Mainland" and "exchange student to School of Science", so I had to attend the meeting of both group. The former came first. The meeting is mostly about the things one have to know about Hongkong & UST, and most of the information provided are found useful. As all are from Mainland, part of the lectures are made in Mandarin, though most of them are in English. It made little difference to me, since I can understand English as perfectly as Chinese when I'm concentrating my mind. The thing that actually irritated me was this silly girl from MSSS(Mainland Student&Scholars Society). She is apparently from Mainland, and began her lecture with Mandarin without accent. However, she soon dropped it and began speaking English. I acknowledge the fact that her oral English is better than me, which is nothing astonishing, but I don't think it proper to speak it in front of all these elites from mainland. What's more intolerable is that she soon switched back to Mandarin, added, "See, I can speak Mandarin as fluently as English." What the fxxk is that? It's your mother-tongue! Damn it!

Then it comes to the meeting of all the exchange students, either mainland or overseas, in School of Science. I met many nice guys and girls majoring in maths, physics, chemistry and biology, including a few hot girls from Europe and America. Astonishing, the direction of research of most physicist here are condensed matter, but it's just a good news to me as that's also what I'm studying.

I immediately met this cute boy, Tawa Masahiro, from Kyoto University. That's supposed to be the base of Yukawa and Tomonaga! His major is agriculture, but come here to study maths. He spoke great English with little accent, quite opposite to my impression of oral English of Japanese. Furthermore, he can speak a little Chinese! We became friends the moment we saw each other.

Feng is a student from Tsinghua University, majoring in physics. And he's proved to be a capable physicist and an elite. The criterion of an elite cannot be completely explained by language, and it's said that only an elite can judge whether someone else is one. I saw those spirit in his eyes when mine came across his, and I can tell that he's qualified to be my ally, companion and fellow.

Happy Everyday--well, not Miss Liu, her surname is Zhang--is DM's schoolmate. She's from 11th Department of HIT, but she's planning to switch to 21st Department to study something pratical rather than theoretical. She's small but cute, a very lovely girl.

However, the time for me to know them is way too limited. There're 15 minutes arranged for us to walk around, talk to each other and exchange contact infomation, but it's apparently not enough! I wish I can meet more of them!

A Visit to HKU

A couple of minutes after I finished my last blog and turned off my browser, I received a call from H. B. Zheng, another exchange-in student from SYSU (majoring in physics) and friend of Racoon. I've contacted him quite a lot in July and August to share information, but I thought we lost contact after I arrived at Hongkong and changed my cellphone number. What's more, he had found yet another exchange student from our school, whose major is biology, and is a female (who have a sweet voice)! It really feels nice to find two allies at the same time when I've prepared to cope with all these involving things alone! They asked if they can come to my room, and I immediately agreed.

Zheng was much bigger than I thought, and his mustache kept reminds me of NJ, one of my best friend in high school. While the girl, named J. R. Li, is also a lot bigger, nealy as tall as me and quite as fat. They're very nice person and we had a good talk (mostly gossip) that lasted for 3 hours. Finally Li suggested we go visiting HKU today(as it has been over midnight), to which the two boys agreed.

Hence, everything went as planned. We arrived at HKU next morning and stroll about in it. HKU is not much larger than UST, but the distribution of buildings is a lot more complicated. We visited most of the buildings (not including library, for it's not opened for UST students). Meanwhile, Li was continuously trying to call her friends in HKU, in hope of finding a guide. By the time of lunch, she said she'd finally found one, and the friend will come to join our lunch in no time.

On a first glimpse, the HKU girl is not at all special and can be easily underestimated. She is a little smaller than Li but not a all slender, with a cannot-be-more-ordinary face which wore a mysterious smile. However, when we began to talk, I immediately found, from her breadth of knowledge, viewpoint on some topics, and her way of talking, that she is an elite of my kind, and her ability is not at all worse than me.

Her major is chemistry and biochemistry, but she knew things like wave function and Dirac equations. Her attitude to things like GPA and scholarship had much resemblance with me, and our goals were also quite similar. I, on the other hand, also showed my skill, and won her respect. Hence, the talk is made very serious and exhausting. At last, all the four of us exhausted and lost all the appetite to food. However, it's indeed exhilarating! I'd always been trying to find an elite majoring in chemistry, and now I found one! The relation between two elites with similar skill has only two options: love and respect; or hate and contempt. It seems that the former will be established in this case.

Finally Settled in UST

Around 12:30, I said goodbye with my parents on the train, and left the train. They're gonna go to the Luohu Port, Shenzhen, Mainland and go home, while I'm gonna go to HKUST, alone.

I still clearly remeber my first night as a freshman, and the panic I felt when I was facing the total darkness in front of me. I still remember how, for the first time, I yearned the warmth of home, the helping hand of my parent, and even their chattering. I've once thought that all these are simply because of the fact that it was my first time to live faraway from my parents, my first time to handle all those trival details of live that used to be made perfect by my parents, my first time to take full responsibility of my own life. I've once thought that I've grown up and learned all these, and that I've got rid of such naive fear, for good.

However, the moment I left the train and headed for the subway station, I felt the panic once more. Though I thought I'm always familiar with the subway system, though I've taken MTC, the Hongkong subway system, for many times these days, but I can still sense that I'm kind of nervous. I finally realized that it is the shock brought by the brand-new environment, and it is not easy to thoroughly get rid of.

Eventually I arrived at HKUST. The first thing I did was to find a branch of Bank of China so as to create an account and to deposit my money. However, as I was a bit too nervous and impatient, I failed to find it, so I made up my mind to do against my parents' suggestion and go to the dorm immediately.

After arriving at the dorm, it suddenly come to me that I have to take a bath. I found that I've lost the ability of thinking reasonably when I'm sweaty. Furthermore, I need to try the public bathroom in our Hall. The result turned out to be fairly satisfactory, and it made me more relieved and relaxed.

After some preparation, I set out doing other stuffs. I planned to charge my IC card, buy my slipper and cable, and go and have a look at the library before supper. I'm still very confused about the exact procedure of get access of the Internet in my dorm. However, I came across this guy from northeastern mainland who offered to help me with my problem. He did most of the works for me. Though, due to some accidental mistake, I didn't get access to the Internet immediately after he set it, I'm still very grateful. We exchanged cellphone number before saying goodbye. He is marked as the first new friend I made in UST.

After that, I solved both the problem of air-conditioner and of accessing to Internet in succession, and sat comfortably in my dorm until now.

Impression of HK

I heart of Hongkong, "the Pearl of Far East", when I was very young. I attended a competition on knowledge of Hongkong at the age of 10 when Hongkong became part of PRC. I read more and more about it as I grew up, but I've never actually visited it until last winter vacation, when I when to HK with my cousin and my mom to buy makeups.

In my imagination, Hongkong was a very tiny place, 'cause I'd only seen it on the full map of PRC. However, I found that it is far larger, even Kowloon plus Hongkong Island is no smaller than Shenzhen. In my imagination, Hongkong was quite a "foreign" place, a city that had more resemblance with British ones rather than Chinese ones, and nobody there spoke Mandarin. To my astonishment, I found most of the Hongkong can understand Mandarin, some of them can speak it very well. In my imagination, as it's part of China, the price in Hongkong shouldn't be too different from that in Mainland. I was quite shocked when I found that I had to spend $5 on an ordinary bottle of drinking water. However, I haven't thought that I would spend four full months in this city.

Then I applied for this exchange plan, and was lucky enough to succeed.

Hence I'm here, with my parents, in this familiar and strange city. The moment I stepped out of the Custom, I had this strange feeling in side of me. The uncomfortableness, the cultural shock, are the same as going to a foreign country. That is why I chose to be here, to spend $20, 000 in four months, and to cope with such upset and all. I must learn to adapt myself quickly to a new environment.

The Last Day in Guangzhou

That is to say, I'm planning to set out for Hongkong tomorrow, August 26th.

We originally planned to depart on 26th. However, my father, for some unknown filthy reason, suddenly declared that the schedule would be advanced for one day yesterday i.e. we should have left for Hongkong this morning. I silently accepted this sudden change of schedule, and even announced it to some others so that they can be awared of it and prepare for my arrival. However, for some other silly reasons again, the schedule was delayed, and we'll depart as the original plan.

Hence, it seems that I won't get access to Internet until, probably, September. I'll miss you all.

Once I get access to Internet, I'll definitely tell you the story of the travelling and all in Hongkong.

Kind of Dismay

Today I returned all my books, and that's when I found that the vacation is really coming to its end, and that, during the whole vacation, I've actually read little, too little.

It make me quite upset to acknowledge it, but it's the truth. I can have a long list of excuse, I can say "should I go through the vacation one more time, I'll definitely..." blah blah blah. However, the fact is here. After the whole vacation, I've not prepared myself much better for the goal, and I am, up to now, not in a very good mood to embrace the new challenges.

The only thing I've not drop is English. Yes, I haven't lost my skill in English, even made some teeny tiny progress in listening and speaking. However, that's crap. My English has long been in the situation that no great progress can be made unless thoroughly exposed in an English surronding for long enough. I've come to this level since, probably, one year ago. Since then, nothing can have made great difference. BTW, HKUST is not what I call "English surronding", for much Cantonese might be used. Though I expect to train myself in discussing on physics in English, and I do expect to prepare myself better for later life in USA with this exchanging thing, I've never expected to receive the feeling of "western country".

As to mathematics and physics, I'm sorry to say: NO significant, nay, noticable progress was made, if I haven't forgotten some of those I learned before. The only thing I've actually studied carefully is Modern History of Physics. In fact, that's just Inward Bound. I have to say it's not as "comfortable" as I expected. On the contrary, I was kind of frightened when I come across those struggles of human minds. Theory after theory was put forward and abandoned by those great physicists to explain a phenomenon. Some of these phenomenons are familiar to me, and most questions that once confused the all the physicists are, judging now, so simple and naive that even I can give the answers. It's quite a bit astonishing when one first come to know how much effort was spent by the human kind to unveil the secret of nature. That's why I always emphasize the learning of history of physics. If the new physicists don't realize the difficulty the old ones went through in establishing theories, they can never establish their own. See? I've gone too far, so let's come back. Besides, I've neither practised "the Four Mechanics" as I planned, nor made any progress in group theory, tensor analysis and functional, as I planned. I did read quite a bit about solid-state, but I'm still not so qualified to teach the ones in 181-324.

As to my plan of writing, it should only be fulfilled next semester.

Only 3 out of 5 of my requested course are approved, make it 12 credits in total. That shall give me more time to fulfill my further plan.

Lost the Concept of Time

I know I have no much time left, but I still cannot focus on the "meaningful" things.

I've been playing this game called Mount and Blade, a TPC(Third Personal Chopping) game. As the name indicates, you can knock the enemy into a bleeding corpse flying high in the air on your horse, or you can slide the enemy into half with your long sharp axe, or do them both. The game is rather small, but it's indeed realistic, 'cause it simulated most aspects of the real fights of that age. In the game, when someone is chopped, he'll be stunned for a while for the intense pain, and thus cannot chop back immediately. If there's a bunch of guys chopping a single poor guy, he'll become mincemeat without even a change to fight back! Hence I love it!

That Lecture

(It is "Qixi", the Chinese Valentine's Day. I'll migrate that legendary lecture here. It's been almost a year, and my skill has advanced, making whole lecture seems too naive for me now. However, I'll never forget that this is the first time I truly fall in love with someone in college, even though the love does not exist... any more...)

Y, I think we are acquaintances, even not good friends. And a most fundamental principle I hold in affiliating with my acquaintances and friends is to be sincere. Some of my words might make you feel uncomfortable, but I can promise that each and every word that comes out of my mouth will be honest. And, I hope that you can promise me two things. Do not get agitated when I'm speaking, and do not interrupt me in any manner until I finish.

Y, though it's been no more than two months since we came to know each other, but honestly speaking, your literary grace, your personality, your remarks on some of the questions and the intelligence and wisdom contained in them, your pursuit of your dream and your independent soul that can be seen from these, has impressed me deeply. I used to told myself things like: Y is but a ordinary good friend of mine; there's only friendship existing between Y and me. However, as I asked myself to be practical and realistic, and considered the case calmly and objectively, I found I was but lying to myself. Not long ago, I reached the conclusion. Firstly, considerable favor to Y lied in my heart, and I cannot help thinking about Y and missing her from time to time. In a word, I'm quite sure that I've fallen in love with Y. Secondly, as I thought reasoningly, I think we are a pretty good match in many aspects, I'm appropriate to be Y’s soul mate, and you're appropriate to be mine. Thirdly, objectively speaking, I've been extraordinary kind and nice to Y, but I didn't do it with any special purpose, let alone utilitarian ones. I was simply driven by such favor in my heart and did all the things naturally. However, I chose not to mention it in front of you after I found it, because one, you were too busy and exhausted these days, and I dare not irritate you more with such affairs; and two, since I was in love with you, I shall be responsible to you as well as myself, and I wanna take my time to affiliate with you so we can learn more about each other.

This Friday, you told me that you'd been in love with a guy for over 3 years, and you wanted to be a good wife and a good mother for him. Before reason taking control of my mind, I learned the exact meaning of the word "collapse of the sky". I think is quite a normal and reaction and shouldn't be condemned, since I've been enamored of you deeply. Furthermore, I had been childishly thought that if your heart belonged to anyone else, even if you hadn't mentioned him, I could noticed that from your words and behaviors. It is because I found NO evidence that you were loving anyone else that I allowed myself to fall in love with you, and to indulge myself in loving you more and more deeply.
However, I've thought about it carefully. The fact is: there is a boy, standing in front of you now, who've determined to give his whole heart to you. However, if you choose not to accept it, I will respect your choice. In that case, at least one thing is sure: desolation and pain will definitely occupy my heart for a considerably long time. It's a natural part-- if I were to not feel that way, it would just indicate that I've not been truly in love with you. However, I promise that I will never spread the agony to anybody, especially you two. In fact, I wish you a happy life. Because I've I love you, if I'm qualified to love you, the thing I desire to see is your being happy, is your smiling everyday, even if it's not me that bring you such happiness, even if the price of your happiness is my sadness.

What's more, suppose you choose to be my friend as before, I will never mention the thing I said today, and I will hide it deep in my heart for good. We can talk about literature, art, ideals, and whatever you like to talk. If you need my help on CET4 or anything, I will endeavor to help you as before. Suppose you fear you'll feel embarrass to meet me again, I can choose not to bother you any more. I will never contact you again, and I can find a dark corner on the classes of Modern Studying Technology so that you won't see me.
In a word, as you told me in SMS, "happiness values most." If you are happy, I don't care if my heart will bleed more. All I want to see is your happiness, and nothing else is that important.

Finally, thank you for your patience.