Much Too Exhausted & Irritated

It is always like this. Each time when some new equipment, esp. computer, are bought, I'll be "compelled" to answer a great many of annoying questions brought forward by my parents. Some of these are annoying because they are extraordinarily naive, but require a lot of words to be explained to computer idiots like them; some of these are annoying because they can be easily solved by experience and intuition, but there's no such "rule" for them; some of them are annoying simply because they are impossible to solve, but are believed to be easy to solve. Busy answering such god-damned questions, "not continuously, but continually", is an absolutely nightmare-like experience.

Furthermore, the questions are worded in an extremely unprofessional way-- there are times when I need help in computer, but I can always express the question accurately and clearly enough for the helper to understand unerringly in no time. Sometimes they ask me to show them, but when I do it in a normal APM (less than 60 in such leisure time), they'll shout "Slow down!" to remind me of their poor memory and inherence of computer. Eventually, I agreed to write down the detailed sequence of operation, as a practice of my patience.

It is not this single event that annoyed me so much. I'm thinking of something further.

During all these years, I was always the asked one, not the asking one. More exactly, I was to give perfect answers, not to expect them. Of course, I have a lot to learn, esp. about relationship, and one of the best ways is to ask. Practise is doubtlessly significant, but learn the theory before experiment is never a mistake. Certainly, I expect more experienced ones could tell me, but they always fail to give me a relatively good answer-- I don't expect the answer to be as perfect as those I gave them in maths, physics and computer, because I know there's no "perfect answer" in regions like relationship.

The result is, I have to gain knowledge through experiments, and such experiments turned out to be painful and dangerous. Though pain taught me how to endure them, and I have became tougher than before. In fact, most of the people, except for a few close friends, believe that I am a tough one, who hardly fears failures, who can be destroyed but can never be defeated. However, I, as well as close friends, know that my true self-- at least an aspect of it-- is far from that.

I've always been eager to answer other's questions as long as their answers are known to me. I don't mind finding an appropriate wording to explain the answer to some one. However, when I need help, they never bother to give me a better answer!

If my question has no answer, that's okay. Anyway, I don't expect a good answer most of the times. Attitude is even more significant than the result itself. I just want them to notice my unhappiness, and to show their effort to make me happy. Making me happy is not that hard, and all that's needed is simply patience. I just hope that someone will listen to me, accept my weakness, accept my unreasonableness, or even provide a shoulder for me to cry on. However, hardly anybody has done that, and anyone who can meet my demand a little better, such like Lifang, has become my best friends.

Sometimes I ask myself, "If they cannot, or will not, give me good answers when you need them, why shall I continue helping them?" But that is not the point. If such "good answer" exists and they don't bother thinking of them or telling me, then I can do simply that. However, I know that some of my questions are not for answering-- however hard they try, they cannot provide something that is suitable in any situation.

So, the greatest problem is: I have knowledge on many subjects that can be learned through asking, but I'm innocent on some other subjects that cannot be learned throught asking.

That is to say: what I've mastered are less valuable. If others wanna possess the same knowledge as me in these subjects, they can efficiently do so by asking questions; while what I'm innocent on are more valuable, because the knoledge can only be gained through practise.

So what should I do? Suicide and learn the "valuable" things in the afterlife?