Conversation With Myself

I didn't expected that the pain can be so intense. Never had I expected.
For what? I just wonder.

Yes, you're nice to her, that's true. In fact, you spent considerable time and energy on her. You hate to see her unhappy, you love to see her smile. You'll endeavor to protect her from being sad.
Hence, you shall be happy now. She has found her own happiness.

Have you ever expected that your effort would be rewarded? Have you ever expected that she would help you as you'd helped her?
I don't think so. Maybe there was a time when I wished so. However, I just feel it's happy to help her.
Happiness. Isn't that the best reward one can ever get?
In pulling her out of the swamp of sadness, you feel it's the ultimate embodiment of your manhood. You always lack confidence of your manhood, and that will improve your confidence.
Furthermore, through affiliating with her, you've improved your skills in dealing with the opposite sex. Achieving such skill is, after all, fairly precious for a scholar like me.

Do you fear that he may prevent her from being in close contact with you?
That might be the case. After all, it has happened to me.
However, he seems to be a nice boy, and she would surely mention you and tell him your story one day. He would understand, and tolerate her contacting with you.
Okay. Even if she stops contacting you forever, would that do much bad to you? Let's see it from a new aspect. You'll be able to devote more time on academic. The story between she and you may over, but it would be a most memorable thing in your college life. Decades from now, when you're no longer young, you can still remember that there was a girl and your golden friendship, in a quiet summer afternoon. That sounds not bad, is it?

Do you envy the boy?
Yep, more or less, to be honest. I hold it to be self-evidence that the most precious thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return.
Listen to me, foolish boy. There have been hundreds of people, including your friends, your teachers, the elder ones, even the one who discriminate your manly charisma most called Liu Hao, has affirmed that you'll find your true love one day. She has affirmed it at least five times that "you'll eventually meet her". Hence, I think there's no need for me to affirm you about it once more. You're always so confidence in front her, you're always so confidence in academic, why can't you be more confidence and believe that you'll finally find your true love?

So, maybe, you hope you can gain more than that by being kind to her?
Yeah. That seems to be the most reasonable reason for my indescribable irritation.
I've never thought of the question carefully, actually.
I just look on her as my Padawan, as my younger sister that's roughly half a year younger than me, as one of the few close friends that is female, as an elite that expresses her acknowledgement and admiration to my talent. Nothing more.
However, isn't there anything left, that's hidden in the deepest corner of your heart so carefully that even you yourself deny its existence?
Has her role in your heart ever been distorted from a pure friend? Just answer me yes or no.
You can keep silent, but your eyes betrayed you. That's the true reason of your irritation, it seems.
Therefore, the case is simple. You can choose either pursue her (you've left a fairly perfect impression in her heart, anyway), or just forget it all. After all, you have to find a way to make yourself happy.
However, is it realistic to pursue a girl who is living 2, 000 kilometers away from me, who have never met me by person, and who is 3 centemeters taller than me?
No dreams are realistic, my friend. That's why dreams are always hidden deeply in the heart.
However, as dreams have disturbed your quiet, regular life, you have to do something to prevent it.
It's up to you.

Okay, there's no more to say. Just be happy (as you've told her from time to time), and good luck!